The Friendship Factor

Church planting takes a lot out of you. When we planted the second time, my wife set herself to see much less of me for the first year—she had learned the first time.

Much is written about the process, relationships and structures involved in multiplying churches. But one thing we can easily overlook is the friendship factor. My wife and I were, literally, without friends except for a few hours on Sunday during our first adventure.

We had planted the church without a team, though a few friends did help we only saw them on weekends. It was a very lonely situation.

The second time we had a core team and they were great people. Many are still with us 29 years later. Many others have gone on to launch other churches.

But the wondrous factor in our second church plant was that we partnered with a couple who were our best friends.

Friendship magnifies happiness and it blunts the force of misery. Staff, team and structure can never be a substitute for great friendships. I’m not saying that the team won’t grow great friendships—that’s a given. But starting with someone who is already a tight friend makes life a whole lot better.

A treatise like this wouldn’t be complete without bringing old King Solomon into the picture. He wrote, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

Giving deference to Solomon, especially the last part of the quotation would suggest that three best friends at the center of a church planting team are better than two. Either way, when visioneering and budgeting we should make room for the friendship factor.

Read more of Ralph's stuff here: The Friendship Factor | ChurchPlanting.com 

Or, check http://www.amazon.com/Ralph-Moore

APPRECIATE YOUR CHURCH OR IT WILL NEVER GROW...

   Appreciate your congregation or it will never grow. All too often leaders demean the church they serve. Such an attitude stunts the very health and growth they seek.

   Where I live we celebrate “Pastor’s Appreciation Day.” Every year the local Christian radio station admonishes the saints to bless their pastors with cards and letters. I usually get one or two in spite of the fact that I think the appreciation usually flows in the wrong direction. I think we leaders and pastors too often under-appreciate the people entrusted to our care.

SELF APPRAISAL

   Some beat their church down in an unhealthy sort of self-appraisal. They feel that they aren’t doing enough to make the church grow so they demean its size. This assessment is really a reflection of their feelings about themselves or their own leadership ability. But, it becomes an unintended put-down on the Lord over that pastor’s congregation who said, “I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it” (Matthew 16:18 NLT). Church size is his problem. Caring for the believers is ours.

   Think you have problems, consider Moses. His “congregation” was growing because of illicit sex as the people partied around the golden calf. After the incident Moses was at an all time emotional low. In his conversation with the Lord, he reminded God that the people belonged to Him and that as a human leader Moses was he was just a follower of orders, “Please, if this is really so, show me your intentions so I will understand you more fully and do exactly what you want me to do. Besides, don't forget that this nation is your very own people” (Exodus 33:13).

   You and I need to remember the wisdom in his plea. The people don’t belong to us, so church growth is not our department of worry. Because they belong to him we must tend them according to his direction. The imperative in our lives is to hear and obey his directives 

COMPARISONS SUCK LIFE OUT OF A PEOPLE

  Our problems stem from our continued awareness of other churches. That awareness would be great if we could measure all the factors contributing to their health. Trouble is, most are not visible. There are no ideal standards to measure by.

Ideal Size

There is never an ideal church size. Every community is different. So is each leadership team. Many small towns and big-city neighborhoods can be served, most effectively, by the proliferation of small congregations. Wherever people identify closely with each other in their community they will choose a family-style approach to church.

Adequate Resources

If ideal church size is a myth, so is the concept of “adequate resources.” Many of my friends pastor smaller churches. They can often be heard to say things like, “If we were larger we could afford to do more.” The truth is that larger churches usually have less money in the bank compared to their income stream than do smaller congregations. They may have more dollars in the bank, but they are more vulnerable in a downturn. The same goes for involvement of volunteers. The larger the church the more difficult it is to achieve, say 80 percent participation.

None Better Than Another

None of this is to say that a small congregation is better than a larger one. Only, that you can’t defend a larger church over a small one. All are valuable in God’s kingdom—including the one you pastor.

DO YOU LOVE YOUR PEOPLE?

   Some leaders love their church, but have little concern for its people.

   Your people can sense whether you love them or not. They will feel your dissatisfaction if you are depressed over the size of your assignment. Or they will feel the joy you take from serving and sharing life with them.

   I recently watched a pastor struggle against his assignment. His church grew many times over from a tiny group to a very respectable size. But, he was never happy. He spent almost his entire tenure applying for jobs in larger churches. Finally he landed a position at a troubled church twice the size of the one he led. His people felt unloved and abandoned.

   This man’s successor unknowingly hit a raw nerve when he announced that he was thrilled to lead “these people.” That he felt called by God to “this place.” And, that he could spend his life in “this position.” The people went nuts with joy over their new leader. When asked if they didn’t feel guilty for transferring their affections so quickly they had a telling response. They said, “No, we don’t miss him. We also don’t think he misses us.”

   I wonder what those two pastors will be feeling five years from now. I’m pretty sure the first guy will be just as dissatisfied as ever. Given that he took a troubled church just because it was larger, he may not even be in ministry. I’d bet that the second guy will be joyfully serving in the job he just assumed. I’m also pretty sure that his congregation will grow because he appreciates his people and his role. Growth usually comes to those who are faithful (and happy) in the small places. 

A Pleasant Connection

Had a nice experience at Starbucks this morning. I spend an hour or so there each Saturday morning with a friend. We simply talk about life, the Lord, our travels and books we've read.

But today turned out special. 

While I was waiting for my buddy to pick up his order I happened to notice a young woman intently reading what looked like a Bible. She was writing notes in the margin and highlighting sentences so I was pretty sure it was a Bible.

Then she bowed and began silently praying. The prayer went on for several minutes. By now I was pointing her out to my friend and kind of rejoicing in the faith of a total stranger. While that was going on she quit praying and pulled out a book to read--one that I had written.

I went over and asked if the book was any good. She told me she was only into chapter two and couldn't say, but did say that she enjoyed it so far. 

I told her that I had written it. Ended up autographing it, etc. But the cool part of the story is that she attends our church, but not during a service where I preach. She had no idea that my wife and I started the church or anything else. I was a total stranger. As we laughed about all this I found out that she is a friend of my daughter-in-law. 

Small world, filled with Jesus--a very pleasant connection!

Joining Hands In Ministry

Just came home from Singapore where I was invited to speak at an exciting church.

Cornerstone Community Church, pastored by Yang Tuck Yoong was started in 1989 and has grown to more than 3,000 people worshipping in 12 services each weekend.

They are a missionary church. Four meetings are in English, the others in foreign languages. By the way, though most Singaporians are of Chinese descent, English is the national language. They invited me a year ago in hopes of multiplying their 70 overseas churches to 1000 in the pastor's lifetime. These folks have vision.

On this trip I preached in church and spoke in their School of Leadership. It was fun to speak to people who are really doing the ministry.

But what impressed me most was how much I learned from Pastor Yang during the time we spent together (eating the best Chinese food on the planet).

Pastor Yang is much more strategic in his thinking than I am. We've always just gone with whatever vision God put in someone's heart when it comes to church planting. At Cornerstone, they are praying for a grand plan and then will pray someone into place as the vision unfolds.

If the time there wasn't enough fun, I returned home to preach about Priscilla, Aquilla, Apollos and Paul. 

If Apollos hadn't been willing to learn from P & A, his ministry would have never fully blossomed. Paul had meager results in Corinth, but Apollos was able to build strongly on Paul's foundation. Meanwhile, Paul was in Ephasus building a movement upon the foundation layed there by Apollos. 

Life in the Lord is good when we can join hands in ministry...

4 "C"s Versus 3 "C"s

I'm in Japan. Just had breakfast with Shawn Shavers, a church planter in Okinawa. His congregation is international (bi-lingual services) and has lots of single women plus many military men.

Shawn said that his congregation has become a haven for single-moms and their kids whom he sees as the widows and orphans of the modern world. Many are Okinawan women whose American husband has left them either on deployment or through divorce.

The church has built a strong balance between men and women with men taking a strong role in leadership. 

It is the men's approach to ministering to women that caught my attention. Shawn says that women used to come to church looking for what he calls 3 "C" men--that is men who were calm, cool and collected. This is especially true of women hoping to marry (I believe the church should be a mating ground and that pastors should pray for this, actively).

But, this church has moved from 3 Cs to 4 Cs. The men have decided to lead by serving. they are Cleaning, Cooking, Caring for children and Christ centered. And they do all of this in a practical manner; in a way that disciples men into servant leadership in church and at home.

Men figure big in the leadership of this church. But they also volunteer to serve during an after-service discipleship time for the ladies. During this time, men clean up the church, cook barbecue, care for the children while the ladies have discipleship--and all this is done in a manner where the pastor is teaching them Christlike qualities during the process.

I've never seen anything like this. And, it is effective. This is a military/local congregation and the US military produces many broken marriages between servicemen and Okinawan women, usually the product of culture and language barriers. But the church has proven stellar at healing broken marriages. As a result the word is spreading, "If your marriage is in trouble go to Noah Community Church..." 

By the way, the church name comes from the concept of Noah providing a lifeline of hope during dark days. This church plant is a strong and healthy lifeline to hope. I want to teach the 4 Cs to our own guys...